Geppetto Falls Off the Wagon - Excerpt, Content Labels, Reviews & Discussion
by Matthew Nadelhaft
EXCERPT:
According to Sleazy, whose foul mouth and vivid imagination had gotten him banned from all the storybooks, Snow White could take all eight dwarves in a night and still have enough energy for three rounds behind closed doors with a Rampant Rabbit. But Sleazy had been known to lie almost as much as Pinocchio; according to the woodsman, Snow White never touched those dwarves. The one thing Geppetto knew for sure was that she gave Pinocchio’s face regular and thorough workouts.
Aw fuck it, Geppetto thought. He knew the score: he was jealous. The last time he’d lubed his crankshaft, Rapunzel had been wearing a bob. And look at her now: Geppetto couldn’t help remembering the time he’d been working on the fence in the front yard and glanced in the window to spy her mounting Pinocchio. Her blond hair had cascaded over the two of them like a shifting blanket and her completely shaved snatch gleamed with dew. It was almost more than he could bear to think about. Just listening to the wooden brat reaming his way through the Fairyland phone book was the closest Geppetto’d come to a sex life in decades.
Comments
#1 Writer's notes
Believe it or not, this story went through multiple drafts - even humorous smut needs to be considered, edited and revised. I read a tamer (much tamer) version of it aloud at a spoken-word performance and was afterwards told by complete stragners that I was "one sick bastard." I took it as a compliment. People were quite shocked to learn the version of it I read had been toned down.
Personally, I don't find the story erotic - for it to be erotic, Geppetto would need to be a more sensitive lover. It takes off from the old dirty joke abnout Pinocchio and from a joke premise I scrawled down during a brainstorming session in the "Creating Narratives" class of my MA program. The exercise was an excellent lesson in humble beginnings.
Matt
"The song sleeps in the machine"
- Einsturzende Neubauten
#2 Gepetto fueled by lust and alcohol!
Ths was hilarious! I wish I could write something this funny. Somehow, my comedy usually brings more tears than laughter.
#3 Thanks
Glad you liked it. I find being funny one of the two hardest things to do while writing (the other is being scary). We all think we're hilarious, but you can't know if you're just that guy laughing hysterically at his own bad jokes until other people read it and tell you!
Matt
"The song sleeps in the machine"
- Einsturzende Neubauten